ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
