I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
