then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm sobbing to NWA
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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