Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
