i don't like sucking hair
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
