Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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