I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize