i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
