quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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