How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
