wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
