Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize