we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
