I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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