You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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