I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
