I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
