if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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