i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
