My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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