apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
