so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
