After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
