you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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