is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
