Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
