im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Of course I have a pirate flag
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
