HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
