my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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