Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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