yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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