this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
