Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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