Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
