So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
