It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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