Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
