I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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