Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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