also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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