ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
