Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
