We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
