I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
