I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
