Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
