I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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