It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
