I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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