girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
