I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
