I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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