dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize