I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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