a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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