you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
