my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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