Your dad touched me again.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
