I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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