i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
