I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
