I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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