I just saw a hot homeless man
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
