then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
