this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
