omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
dude. I can hear the air.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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