Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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