After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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