i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize