Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
