this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
