My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
