So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize