Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
