Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i now understand why vodka
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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