But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
