New low: just hacked my moms facebook
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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