I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Someone signed my nipple.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
