If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
