I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
third nipple confirmed
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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